105 miles around Kielder Water. Four loops. Around 10,000 feet of elevation gain.
Midlife Ultra started as a personal challenge to lose weight, get fitter, and see what I could still become after 40.
At first, it was simple.
I wanted to lose the weight I had allowed myself to carry. I wanted to feel stronger again. I wanted to prove to myself that age was not a reason to slow down, settle down, or quietly accept becoming less than I could be.
But week by week, this challenge became about something more.
Because the truth is, we do not only carry weight on our bodies.
We carry pressure. Responsibility. Fear. Regret. Expectations. Old mistakes. Silent worries. The things we never say out loud. The things we smile through. The things that make us tired before the day has even started.
And somewhere along the way, Midlife Ultra became less about just losing weight, and more about understanding the weight we carry.
This challenge is about becoming the best version of myself physically, yes. But it is also about asking a bigger question:
Not when life is perfect.
Not when everything is easy.
Not when everyone understands.
But now.
Because time is not waiting for us.
We can build comfortable lives and still feel trapped inside them. We can do everything “right” and still wonder why something feels missing. We can reach a certain age and convince ourselves that the big dreams are for younger people, braver people, freer people.
But I do not believe that. I never really have.
I believe we owe it to ourselves to try. To move. To change. To chase the thing that keeps calling us, even if it looks mad to everyone else.
And yes, sometimes people will think you are crazy.
Crazy for running through the night.
Crazy for chasing big dreams after 40.
Crazy for wanting more than comfort.
Crazy for refusing to settle.
But time will not wait for us.
It moves whether we are ready or not. Sometimes I can almost feel it slipping through my fingers, like sand on the beach. Like a timelapse recording I have no control over.
And that is why this matters.
Midlife Ultra is my way of showing myself ( and maybe others too ) what is still possible when we stop waiting for the perfect time and start moving with the time we have.
One mile at a time.
One choice at a time.
One piece of weight at a time.
This is not just a run.
This is a reminder that we are still here, still capable, and still allowed to become more.
Midlife Ultra will take place around Kielder Water in Northumberland on my 43rd birthday.
The plan is to complete four loops of the reservoir, creating a total distance of around 105 miles with approximately 10,000 feet of elevation gain.
Originally, the route sat closer to 100 miles – but that would leave us about five miles short of four full marathons. And we can’t have that, can we?
That means running through the day, through the night, and into whatever comes next.
The aim is to finish within 24 hours. But the bigger aim is simple:
To Finish.
Another part of this challenge is weight loss. A big part.
I would like to be down to 80 kg by my birthday, which is a challenge in itself. Let’s just say I have not always had the healthiest relationship with food.
Someone said to me the other day: “You don’t look like a vegan.”
Whatever a vegan is supposed to look like. 🙂
So no, this is not about speed. It is not about being an elite athlete. It is about endurance, discipline, patience, and learning how to keep moving when everything in you wants to stop.
The numbers matter, but they are not the whole story and the real challenge is not just the distance.
It is the doubt.
The tiredness.
The excuses.
The voice that says, “You are not enough for this.”
And our choice to keep going anyway.
Because if not now… when?
Total distance
Northumberland
Marathon-distance laps
Approx. elevation gain
Some weight is easy to measure.
Kilograms.
Miles.
Elevation.
Training hours.
The number on a watch.
But the heaviest weight is not always the one people can see.
My brother has often called me “a wolverine.” He was not the only one in the family who saw me that way. Some used to say I would survive even on the back of an iceberg.
But I never really felt like that about myself.
Maybe that is what happens when you keep showing the outside world that everything is okay. People take you at face value. They see the survivor, the strong one, the one who keeps going.
But they do not always see what is being carried underneath.
The pressure you keep quiet about.
The responsibility you carry for others.
The regret you do not know what to do with.
The fear of not becoming who you hoped you would be.
The thoughts that become too heavy when nobody knows they are there.
The fear of failing again.
It started with losing physical weight, but it became a way of looking at all the other weight we carry too.
And the truth is, we do not have unlimited time here.
There is no rewind button. No way to go back and live the years again. So why do we choose to carry things that slowly ruin us, suffocate us, and stop us from becoming who we really are – or at least stop us from trying to find out?
That is why this challenge now connects with CALM.
Because some people are carrying so much that they feel like they cannot keep going.
Some feel trapped inside a life nobody else can see. Some are fighting battles behind normal conversations, busy days and quiet smiles. Some cannot find the strength to keep going, and they choose something nobody ever should.
I believe life is a gift given to each of us with a purpose. But finding that purpose is part of the work. Sometimes it calls quietly, and we only hear it when we finally stop long enough to listen.
I do not pretend that running fixes everything.
It does not.
But movement can give us somewhere to put some of the weight. Nature can give us space to breathe, to be quiet, and to listen. A challenge can give us a reason to keep showing up when life feels heavy.
That is why I keep doing these things.
That is why I am writing these words at 1am.
Because I would rather have my head occupied with this than with the other stuff.
And sometimes, that next step matters more than people realise.
Nobody should have to carry the heaviest parts of life alone.
That is why we support CALM and other charities helping people in desperate need – because sometimes, the right voice at the right time can be the difference between someone giving up and someone holding on.
Midlife Ultra is personal, but we do not want it to be only about us.
As the meaning of The Weight We Carry became clearer, CALM felt like the right charity to support.
CALM stands for Campaign Against Living Miserably. They support people who feel overwhelmed, trapped, hopeless, or unable to keep going. They are there for people carrying battles that are not always visible from the outside.
That matters to us.
Because sometimes people do not need judgement.
They do not need someone telling them to “just be positive.”
They do not need silence.
They need someone to listen.
They need a reason to hold on.
They need to know they are not alone.
If this challenge can help raise even a little more awareness, start one honest conversation, or encourage someone to reach out before things become too heavy, then it is already bigger than just a run.
We are not doing Midlife Ultra because we have all the answers.
We are doing it because we believe that life is worth fighting for and nobody should have to fight alone.
If this challenge speaks to you, there are a few ways you can support it.
You can donate to our fundraiser for CALM, share the page, follow the training updates, or simply send a message of encouragement when the miles get hard.
Every donation, share, comment and kind word helps turn this challenge into something bigger.
Not everyone can run 105 miles.
But everyone can help carry the message forward.
Support CALM. Share the story. Keep the conversation going.
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